Wit and Wisdom

Chapter Twenty Four
Miscellaneous Advertising Wit and Wisdom

I’m not sure you ever gain wisdom in advertising. That comes from living more than working I think. Still I’ve collected a few nuggets along the road. Here’s a list. I’ll just throw them out for your pondering pleasure.

Screw in a light bulb
How many copywriters does it take to change a light bulb?
Copywriter: I’m not changing anything.
How many art directors does it take to change a light bulb?
Art Director: Does it have to be a light bulb?
How many account executives does it take to change a light bulb?
Account Executive: I don’t know, but I’ll get back to you.
How many clients does it take to change a light bulb?
Client: I don’t know, let me call my agency.

The Genie’s Lamp

An art director, a copywriter and an account executive are walking down Madison Avenue in New York. They find a genie’s lamp. They rub it. A genie appears and says, “All right, I’ll grant you three wishes. But only three wishes between you” The three advertising people agree to each take one wish. The art director says, “Genie, I have no problem with a single wish. I know what I want. I want to be on in a villa overlooking the water in the South of France where I can pursue my lifelong dream to paint in the tradition of the French Impressionists of the late 19th century” Poof. The genie clicks his fingers, a puff of smoke and the Art Director’s wish is granted The account executive and writer look at each other in awe.

The writer quickly takes his turn with his wish, “Genie, I also have a lifelong dream. I would like to go to Europe and Write the Great American novel and live like Ernest Hemmingway as an expatriate in Paris.” Poof. The genie again clicks his fingers and again a puff of smoke and again the wish is granted leaving the account executive alone in front of the genie.

The account executive in disgust, puts her hands on her hips and says, “I want those two assholes back here right now.”Poof.

(Account Executives have the job of being the party-poopers because it’s their job to keep the work moving. The humorless among this breed have zero tolerance for the creative process. And many secretly envy what looks like a laid-back work ethic. If you think that way, try writing a 30 second commercial for a bank that’s informative, relevant, engaging and the client will buy. If it doesn’t your career is in the toilet.)

Degree of Difficulty

It occurs to me on a visit to a ski resort one time that advertising projects could be marked like ski slopes. A circle for a beginner, square for intermediate skill level and a black diamond for experts. That way the creative director can assign creative teams to projects that match the markings. It seemed very logical to me. A small space trade ad could go to a junior copy/art team and a bigger budget TV spot could be assigned to double-diamond experts. 

The practicality of this system broke down when a creative director pointed out to me that more people break their legs on the bunny slope than anywhere else.

Classic Client comments

“Make the logo bigger.”

“Why do you guys always design spreads.”

“Great, I like it but...”

“Are we gonna make our closing dates?”

“If your creatives want to do it so badly, let them pay for it.”

“This sure is an expensive ad.”

“Will this ad sell product?”

“I know we asked for a lot of changes but this ad looks like Hell.”

“What else do you have?”

Advertising Acid Test:

Does it communicate a product benefit?

Is it relevant?

Is it respectful?

Can we be proud we produced it?

More Nuggets:

If you want it good, fast and cheap. Pick two.

Quality = design + materials + workmanship + durability

Advertising is not brain surgery.

“How big can we get before we get bad?” (Jay Chiat said that, I think.)

Respect the value of time.

Time is money.

Be a member.

Get Famous. (Do great work. Stuff people will remember.)

Set goals. Set New Goals.

Under promise. Over-deliver.

Network (make it easy to help and be helped.

Follow up.

React to news.

Be connected.

It’s not easy being anybody. (But no-one is better at being you than you.)

Feel good. (Take care of yourself.)

Add value.

Manage down time.

Celebrate Success.

Be the best.

Your best work is ahead of you.

Make your breaks. (People will think you are lucky.)

Ask yourself, “What is the very next step?”

Make honest assessments of limitations and barriers.

Be positive.

Be a mentor.

Give something back.

“The only cats worth anything are the cats who take chances.” (Thelonius Monk)

Remember people when you have a hit movie.

Do the right thing. (Spike Lee)

Life is what happens while you’re making other plans. (J. Lennon)

Be in touch with pop culture.

Be creative.

The Toy Business

Chapter Four

The Toy Biz

Once again, nothing especially qualified me for this job except now I could claim to be a veteran of the agency business. (It only takes a couple of years to become a veteran in advertising. You can face almost every basic situation in that time and determine for yourself if your any good at it or not.) Now, I realized that the account hardly mattered in most cases. The skills required: be able to think, be objective, be strategic, be organized, keep projects moving along as painlessly as possible, and be smart enough to learn about the category, competition, and nuances of the client’s business. I was a natural. I was like Tom Hanks in the movie BIG. By this time my own kids were old enough (young enough) for me to have a built-in test lab in my own household. But the best thing about it was that I had a real affinity for new products and new product development. (I should say I liked it. That doesn’t mean I was any better than anyone else at picking winners over losers.)

The account was divided into core business and new products. This isn’t too unusual for a toy company. The Toy industry is constantly on a quest for the next big deal. Success stories like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Cabbage Patch Kids, Trivial Pursuit, Rubik’s Cube and a hand full of other blockbuster products are fairly rare when stacked against marginal and losing toy product introductions. Toy companies, are obsessed with finding the next gem. It was your “core” dependable sales that generally financed this quest. In the case of Matchbox, it was diecast miniature vehicles (cars and trucks) that paid the way for the new product research and development. The “core” business at Matchbox was a brisk and healthy business. The diecast miniature vehicles are a basic staple product and usually sold for about a buck each at retail. The problem was Mattel’s Hot Wheels had been stealing market share of the diecast miniature segment since the 70’s. Others, notably Lewis Galoob Toys were gaining with an even smaller scaled product called Micro Machines. Matchbox felt they needed to use the profits to fund other new products. Licensing “intellectual property” from TV, Movies, books, comic books and other sources had become a popular hedge against product failure. By using “borrowed interest” in characters and story lines, Toy companies could capture the imaginations of their audience faster. Licensing is one way toy-makers seek to reduce the risk of tooling-up and creating a line of toys. But this is still a guessing game. Matchbox was involved in a number of Licensing agreements and negotiating dozens more. In addition to licensing, the R&D people at Matchbox explored relationships with dozens of toy designers and inventors. They also had an in-house staff of specialists in manufacturing and buying overseas in places like Macao on main-land China. They treated me as an extension of their marketing department because they were short-handed. (They intended to stay that way until they could manufacture a few hit products.) It was a pressure filled situation for all involved. People in the toy business thrive on the stress just like people in advertising agencies thrive on the anxiety associated with coming up with the next breakthrough advertising campaign. I was loving it. And I was, in relative terms, successfully leading a high profile account.

Show Room Pitch (Media flowchart vs. The Buy)

I became a part of the annual ritual known as The International Toy Fair in New York. This extravaganza takes place in New York every February. It has since the early 1900’s and is something of a tradition for toy companies. The idea is to impress retail chain buyers with new products (often presented in prototype form) and dazzle ‘em with advertising and marketing plans. The agency was intimately involved in the assembly of props and visual aids including giant flow charts of media plans. (This media would only run if the buyers from Toys R Us, Walmart, K-Mart and other retailers show enough confidence in the line to place advance orders.) The tradition continues today but the number of toy companies is shrinking. The Toy industry is consolidating. (Matchbox has since been acquired by Tyco Toys which was later acquired by Mattel.) This was fast-paced, fun, and challenging. I was just 30 years old and I managed to get promoted to Account Supervisor on a great account. It was a great account because it was all about fun, all about creativity. The title of Account Supervisor was more recognition of my contribution to the business than any real improvement in ability, status or salary. I always considered this promotion to be a “battlefield” promotion. I had ridden a difficult, demanding, high profile account and lead it successfully. I was having lots of fun the whole time. I was promoted with some fanfare at the famous New York Steakhouse, Smith and Wollensky’s (affectionately known to some of us at the agency as Smith and Expense-sky’s.) I was proud to have earned the promotion. I was especially proud of how I earned it. It wasn’t a condition of employment. It wasn’t a token bone thrown to a loyal employee. It was recognition of 1.) Saving the business at least once and 2.) being the “go to” guy on a difficult account. 

All was going well now. I was on top of the world in the land of Toys. As I mentioned earlier, “The only constant is change.” Sawdon & Bess was owned by a big agency known as Ted Bates, a giant packaged goods agency known for some of the world’s most inanely memorable advertising. Ted Bates was sold to Saatchi & Saatchi, a growing colossus of a holding company for advertising agencies. Saatchi & Saatchi had just found the key to making the agency business profitable. Going public in a big way, they’d buy agencies from people who had ownership by virtue of sweat-equity and turn it into the kind of equity you can buy and sell in the form of Saatchi & Saatchi stock. Suddenly Sawdon & Bess was caught up in this paper chase and became a pawn in the agency shuffle to show attractive quarterly earnings. Some genius bean-counters at Saatchi & Saatchi decided that Sawdon & Bess could merge with other agencies they controlled. So Sawdon & Bess became a part of a larger entity known as AC&R/DHB & Bess. (It really rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? How would you like to be the telephone receptionist at this place?) I moved into the offices with the newly merged agency at East 32nd Street. The culture of three unique agency environments forced to live together and the unfortunate consequence of Matchbox becoming a less important account in the newly merged concern, led to my inevitable exit. A headhunter’s call with news of an opening at the front lines of the cola wars was too intriguing to pass up, especially since it seemed to me seemed like a fine agency and a cool assignment.

AC&R/DHB & Bess was going to mess it up without me, thanks. (My battlefield promotion was yesterday’s news. Just another chapter in the roller-coaster business of advertising.)

Posting a Toast

A TOAST

My son Ben and Allisn were married 10-27-2012 in Miami. This post is of the toast I hoped to offer them as they start their journey together. It includes a tribute to my wife and daughter and others as well. Naturally, I delivered a flawed version at the event. It was a beautiful ceremony.

I want to offer a big Thank You to the wedding officiate Skye Palmer... 

First, To ALL of those who are no longer with us today…

We know you are with us in spirit. To name just a few: (Lynn’s Dad) Dr. Sam Stevens, (my Mom) Mary Francis Lawton Morgan, my Uncle Andrew Morgan, my dear cousin Vince Morgan…To family and friends (near and far);

My Dad (60-minute Morgan) who is 94 years young

and here from in Tampa. (I love ya Dad.)

Cousins, collegues, college pals and teammates,

Digger and David, Randazzle and the other David,

Perry, Max, Erica…

Morgan families: Sundance, Lynn, Greg, Dan, Rob/Joy…

Thanks for being a part of our lives.

We love all of you …for who you are.

Toby – you are a remarkable.

You are the chairman of the board and our greatest patron.

We cannot thank you enough for all you have done

and all that you continue to do.

Lindsey –You are the first in our next Generation

The world is a better place with you in it.

You have always been a loving and giving person

(and an awesome sister).

You are such an important part of our family

You are a General on land, a parrot head, a runner,

a role model and an inspiration. ..

You’ve moved and adapted

and become an outstanding adult.

We are so proud of you.

If I can borrow a line from Voltaire’s Candide:

“Things happen exactly as they should,

 in this… the best of all possible worlds.”

Lynn – you are a rock.

You are the glue that holds us together.

You are the President and CEO of our family

“When Lynnie is happy, I’m happy…”

Bing, you are the best wife I ever had!

“Baby you are the greatest…”

And you are a great mom too.

(at every open house and parent teacher conference)

It has always been clear;

Those cookies you bake come with a veiled threat.

“We can do this the easy way  or we can do this the hard way…”

God Bless the teachers and coaches who went toe-to-toe with Mrs. Mo.

Bing, we were married on a rainy day in Miami 32 years ago.

(I know what you are thinking, if not saying out loud…”the longest 32 years of my life”…ha ha)

We’ve seen plenty of sunny days since. (A lot of them!)

We’ve been to New York, LA, Raleigh, Miami and the UK;

We’ve been to the U.S. Open and Wimbledon.

(Are you sure you don’t want to go to Machu Picchu w/ me?)

Ben –You are “The silent leader”… You quietly earn respect.

From Seagull, to Sunniland, to the big Apple (NYC);

You demonstrate a maturity beyond your years.

You are the guy they trusted to protect the goal  (the Enforcer)

The value you bring cannot be shown on a spreadsheet.

You have intangible assets…loads of them…

the kind you want in a teammate, a friend and a partner…

 Allison you are a champion.

You once told me Ben was amazing… At Ben’s Graduation, Remember?

(I remember thinking “well, duh!” roll the...Kanye West soundtrack…ha)

But now we can see that you are pretty amazing yourself. 

You entered our lives with such style and grace.

We are so grateful to Jean and Tom and your extended family for nurturing you and putting you on the path…

that lead you to us.

We love you.

Ben and Allison - Life is too short.
The painting in your New York City apartment says it all:

“Life does not have to be perfect, to be wonderful.”

This is a beginning and a celebration.

We trust your journey together will be most rewarding.

To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling:

Dream---and not make dreams your master;
Think---and not make thoughts your aim,
Meet with Triumph and Disaster;
Treat those two impostors just the same.

In the words from a Sinatra song:

Blue Skies - smiling at me;

Nothing but Blue Skies - do I see.
Blue Birds singing a song;
Nothing but Blue Birds all day long.
Never saw the sun shining so bright.
Never saw things looking so right.
Noticing the days hurrying by;
When you’re in love, my how they fly
Blue Days, all of them gone;
Nothing but Blue Skies from now on.

God Bless You!

We love you!

Blue Days, all of them gone;

Nothing but Blue Skies from now on.

Irish Blessing

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warmly upon your face.
May the rain fall gently on your fields.
May the good Lord bless and keep you
in the hollow of his hand.

For whom the bell tolls

Chapter Nineteen

D’Arcy

I was able to make a relatively smooth transition to another St. Louis Agency, DMB&B (D’Arcy Masius Benton & Bowles). Interestingly enough, my new job had me managing the advertising account of SBC Communications, the parent company of Southwestern Bell which had recently merged with Pacific Bell. The Telecommunications business continues to evolve from the historic breakup of AT&T in 1984. Somehow, SBC managed to get approval to merge two baby bells.Manifest destiny or survival or just expert financial and political maneuvering, I really can’t say. The irony is that one merger caused my job loss and another resulted in my hiring (for a time).

I joined DMB&B, St. Louis in the middle of 1996. DMB&B St. Louis is perhaps most famous for the original Budweiser “Frogs” commercial. Bud-weis-errrrr. As one of three supervisors assigned to the SBC business I was poised to learn a new category (for me) and witness an historic time for Telecommunications industry up close. It’s a big category of business to be sure. SBC has approximately 110,000 employees and with its acquisition of Pacific Telesis (The parent of Pacific Bell) it reported combined 1996 revenues of $23.5 Billion. SBC moved their offices and most of their key marketing decision-makers to San Antonio, Texas. As an account with a lot of clout and with over $100 Million to spend on consumer media they were highly sought client prospect. D’Arcy calculated that they could continue to manage the account from St. Louis. This mis-calculation and the client’s desire to pare down their agency roster eventually led to D’Arcy losing the business, effective at the end of 1998. Here’s how the St. Louis Business Journal reported that account loss:

“SBC Communications, one of D’Arcy Masius Benton & Bowles’ largest clients, pulled its work from the St. Louis advertising firm after more than 30 years. The SBC business represents about a quarter of D’Arcy’s revenue, which was an

estimated $31.5 million last year, sources said. SBC notified D’Arcy of the decision Monday. The telecommunications giant will send advertising developed here to agencies SBC works for in Austin, Texas and San Francisco. In a nutshell: I was a key man on two of St. Louis’s top advertising accounts - Both moved their business elsewhere after mergers. Both centralized their marketing function outside

St. Louis. (Some strategic career move I made coming to St. Louis, huh?)

note: This blog is part of a larger book that can be downloaded FREE, chapter by chapter, at www.morganstudioeast.com
note:For Whom the Bell Tolls is a Hemmingway novel but the title comes from writing of John Donne in the 1600s. "No man is an Island, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee."

The Boatmen's Guy

Chapter Eighteen

The Boatmen’s Guy

I’m no business scholar, but I can tell you one thing, American Business is changing. Consolidation is a reality in almost every industry from fast food to aerospace. The big guys are getting bigger. It’s really about survival. And it’s bound to affect everyone who works for a living in this country. In 1996, I moved from Miami to St. Louis to manage the Boatmen’s Bank business for TBWA Chiat/Day. That opportunity was a great one for me. I was Account Director at one of the nation’s premier creative agencies. The advertising for Boatmen’s featured TV spots staring Thom Sharp as “The Boatmen’s Guy.” Using his folksy midwestern brand of humor to pitch everything from Home Loans to branch Grand Openings he helped make the bank seem approachable and friendly. If you lived in Missouri between 1990-1996 you probably encountered “The Boatmen’s Guy” on TV from time to time. I was the last guy to manage that account.

Here’s why:

On August 30-31 in 1996 The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal contained stories about NationsBank’s intention of acquiring Boatmen’s in a mega bank merger that would make NationsBank the 4th largest bank in the U.S. In spite of grass roots efforts lead by a KMOX Radio and The Everyday section of The St. Louis Post-Dispatch to “Save The Boatmen’s Guy” it became quite clear that NationsBank had no room in their advertising templates for Thom Sharp’s character or TBWA Chiat/Day’s brand of advertising. The New York Times on October 2, 1996 featured Hugh McColl Jr., the chairman of NationsBank in its Business Day section. Here’s part of what they reported: “Our goal has been to build a very strong national company,” Mr. McColl said, “and that’s been our goal for 25 years.” First, the bank built a strong presence in the Southeast, and when theregional interstate banking laws allowed it to expand nationwide - due in part by personal lobbying by Mr. McColl - it set its sights higher. Indeed, Mr. McColl was tempted by a merger offer with Bank-America Corporation a year ago, although that potential blockbuster of a deal foundered on the question of who would run what would have been the nation’s first coast-to-coast banking institution” The banking landscape continues to change to this day. Bank America and NationsBank eventually found a way to get hitched. My position became moot. Boatmen’s Bank was a vanishing entity. I became the new business guy. Another stint as agency rainmaker. It was great fun but precarious, as usual. No new business precipitation, no future. (It’s a brutal deal but that’s the way it usually works.) New Business takes time and TBWA Chiat/Day, it seemed didn’t have any more of it to spare on St. Louis. They decided to cut their loses and closed the St. Louis office. The announcement of the close became official in November of 1997. The office was a drain on the system that included offices in New York and Venice, California (where the real action is). TBWA Chiat/Day St. Louis was crippled by the Boatmen’s account loss. Here’s how the St. Louis Business Journal reported it in its November 17-23 issue: “TBWA Chiat/Day, the advertising agency best recognized for developing the ‘Boatmen’s Guy’ campaign, will close its St. Louis office Dec. 31. The agency, employing 36 locally, is shutting its doors to concentrate on the New York and Los Angeles markets and on larger clients, including Nissan and Taco Bell.” A year later NationsBank and Bank of America’s bank merger was well under way. And no-one at the Bank is sweating bullets over the fate of an advertising agency. Believe me.

This blog is part of a larger book that can be downloaded FREE, chapter by chapter, at www.morganstudioeast.com 

Work the program and be your own boss.

Six men wait in a conference room. Each has been escorted in and advised that Mike would join them in about five minutes leaving time for any others who might be running just a little late. The online job posting for “Inspector $65,000” is why we’re here.  The office is sparse with functional office furnishings. I arrived more than 45 minutes prior to the appointment but I didn’t go in and sign the sheet until #3.

“So is everyone ready?” I felt compelled to break the awkward silence in the room. Only one answer. It came from the young guy closest to the door and last to be seated. (He is #6). “Yes, let’s get started,” with a mildly gung-ho attitude that brings a smile or two.  The ice was broken but only for a moment. The room returns to a calm. As if on cue,  Mike entered the room. He was confident. He has a Florida tan offset by the bright yellow company polo shirt with black American Building Contractors embroidery. He was also wearing a lanyard with photo and Home Depot logo. He was instantly engaging and wastes no time delivering his message. “I’m sorry about this format but we’ve found that talking to a group like this is best way to answer questions. You’ve responded to an ad that says ‘Inspector’ but in reality this is a sales position. ABC has a unique relationship with The Home Depot to perform inspections and contract roof repairs due to hail damage.” Mike goes on to explain that ABC is growing. There are opportunities to earn pretty good money. It is an easy sell because once the connection with a homeowner is made and hail damaged is determined the repair is 100% paid by insurance. You will note there is a number on your applications and that is the order in which you signed in so I will meet with each of you one-on-one in that order.

“So, we’d work as independent 1099 subcontractors?” says the guy next to me who shared with the group that his family was actually in the roofing business. “Yes, but we’re going to do everything we can for you to be successful,” offers Mike. “What about expenses? You said something about a stipend,” asked the guy across the table from me. (He is #4 on sign in sheet.) He has construction experience and like me is not sure he wants to be climbing up on rooftops as a guy in his 50s. “Oh yeah, we want you to have something to work with to pay for gas and expenses so we offer $300 a month… Once you get rolling though we pay $100 per contact on those who agree to inspection by appraiser and $200 every time you get a start work contract and another nice commission when the work is done, say $2,500 on a $10,000 job.” 

Just then, Mike is called out of the room. He apologizes and offers the group one of his managers to answer questions while he takes a call. The manager accepts the chore and answers a few more general questions about earning potential and how the system works. “If you have a good work ethic and work the program you can certainly make $65,000. Some make a lot more.”

“So you have to go door-to-door?” (#5 presses.) “Well it stands to reason that you would want to work a neighborhood that has been hit, especially when one of their neighbors has ABC signs up and yellow tape  is up and guys (with their shirts on) are installing a clean new roof," offers the manager. “I don’t want to go door-to-door” says #5 “This is not for me.” He leaves the room, clearly not persuaded.

Mike is neatly assembling manila folders as he conducts his one-on-one interviews. My name is on one of them (#3). “It’s really up to you.” This isn't an interview as much as it is recruiting I am thinking that evening. By now, Mike is probably on a plane heading back to Deerfield Beach. I have his card. (It's Black with gold foil letters.) Maybe #6 will take the challenge. I told my wife about this meeting. She said with a sort of funny face, “Roofing sales, are you nuts? Why don’t you find something you are passionate about?”

                 

But enough about me...

Morgan is a marketing communications professional with a mission: “Make Good Brands Better and New Brands Known.” Morgan earned his MBA from The University of Miami Graduate School of Business. He also completed his Bachelor’s degree at the University of Miami - a double major (graphic design and creative writing). In 2010 Morgan founded Morgan Studio/East with the goal of helping companies with planning and execution of marketing communications.

Wes served as Director of Marketing and Communications for a top contractor based in Southeast Kansas with 800 employees and offices in KC, Wichita, Tulsa, Dallas, and Northwest Arkansas (Crossland Construction Company 2010-2011).

Previously he was Global Communications Director for a publicly traded manufacturer of welding and cutting equipment (Thermadyne) and wrote and implemented systematic marketing communications programs for 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010. He headed up marketing communications for two large successful privately-held firms in St. Louis (HBE and Clayco) from 1998-2005. He’s also advised countless other businesses – large and small about strategic marketing and branding.

Wes has been involved in marketing efforts of a broad range of consumer and business-to-business products and services. He spent the early part of his career in advertising where he contributed to new product development, consumer, professional and trade communications for a variety brands including Heineken, Matchbox Toys, Pepsi-Cola, SkyBox Trading Cards, GameTek Computer Game Software, Campbell Soup Foodservice, and Rich-SeaPak Frozen Foods.

Wes is an active member of the St. Louis chapter and is past-president of the the American Marketing Association (two terms) and is also a member of the Advertising Club of St. Louis, the Public Relations Society of America and The Business Marketing Association.

Specialties

Communications planning, message development, positioning, brand review/audits, public relations, reputation management, crisis communications, investor/stakeholder communications, employee communications, training, sales support, interactive communication, customer/consumer research, product development.

But enough about me...How did you like my last movie?