Q: What
do you do with a elephant with 3 balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the bear
Q: What
do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why
do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: Why
did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: How
do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
Q: Why
are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: How
do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How
do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and
then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How
many elephants can you get into a VW Beetle?
A: Four. Two in the front and two in the back.
Q: How
do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge,
put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
Q: How do
you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
A: Footprints in the butter.
Q: How
do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?
A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.
Q: How
do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.
Q: How
do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW Beetle parked outside it.
Q: How
do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A: Open door, get two VW's out, put tarzan in, close door.
Q: How
do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!
Q: What
did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?
A: The sun roof.
Q: How
many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
A: None, the elephants are in there!
Q: What
do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
Q: What
do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.
Q: What
do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.
Q: How
do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.
Q: How
do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
Q: How
do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
Q: How
many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be silly, elephants can't change light bulbs.
Q: What
do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
Q: How
do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: Why
do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
Q: Why
do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
Q: What
did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
Q: What
did Jane say?
A: Here come the blueberries. (Jane was color blind)
Q: What
did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the
hill?
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
Q: How
do you make a elephant float?
A: Well, you take an elephant, add chocolate ice-cream, and some bananas,.....
Q: How
do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
Q: What
if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.
Q: Why
isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.
Q: Why
do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why
do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.
Q: Why
are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.
Q: What
time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.
Q: What
do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink
sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.
Q: How
do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.
Q:
How do you know if an elephant is hiding under your bed?
A:
Your nose is almost touching the ceiling.
Q: What
do you call an elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatoligist.
Q: How
do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
Q: What
do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
A: A two-ton pickup.
Q: Why
do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: What
do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
Q: How
many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.
Q: What
has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts
Q: Why
did the elephant cross the road?
A: To pick up the squashed chicken.
Q: What
is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!
Q: What
is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car!!
Q:
What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your
car?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of your car!
Q: What
happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!
Q:
What's big and green and slimy, and hangs from tall trees?
A: Elephant boogers.
Q: What
is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.
Q: What
is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
A: About 40 lbs. Q: How do you equalize the two? A: Feed the elephant.
Q: What
has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A: An elephant with diarrhea.
Q:
How is an elephant like an apricot?
A: They are both gray. Well, except the apricot.
Q:
What’s the difference between a dozen eggs and an elephant?
A: If you don’t know, I’m sure not going to send you to the store for a dozen
eggs!
Q:
What the difference between a herd of elephants and a bunch of grapes?
A: Grapes are purple,
elephants are gray.
Q:
What do you call an elephant that rides a bus?
A: A passenger.
Q:
Why don’t African elephants like to play cards?
A: Because of all the cheetahs.
Q:
What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
A: About 3,000 miles.
Q:
What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing: peanuts can’t talk.
Q:
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: Nothing: it just let out a little whine..
Q:
What’s gray on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell’s Cream Of Elephant Soup.
Q:
What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing
pink sweatshirts?
A: They’re all on the same team.
Q:
What’s gray and has four legs and a trunk?
A: A mouse going on vacation.
Q:
What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: “Sir”.
Q:
Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q:
What’s gray and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey The Elephant.
Q:
What do you get when you cross elephants with peanut butter?
A: Elephants that stick to the roof of your mouth.
Q:
Why did the elephant wear red sneakers?
A: So he could hide in the apple tree.
Q:
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees.
Q:
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia.
Q:
What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.
Q:
What’s convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.
Q:
How do elephants talk to each other?
A: By ’elephone.
Q:
Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.
Q:
What’s gray, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants?
A: The Tusk Fairy.
Q:
Where do elephants with skin problems go?
A: Pachydermatologists.
Q:
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Eliphino
Q:
What’s the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
A: You can’t make a paper airplane out of an elephant.
Q:
How do you make an elephant float?
A: Take two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and one elephant.
Q:
How can you tell if there’s an elephant in the ice cream shop?
A: His bike is outside.
Q:
How can you tell if there are two
elephants in the ice cream shop?
A: There’s a dent in the cross-bar.
Q:
How can you tell if there are three
elephants in the ice cream shop?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
Q:
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q:
Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they don’t have pockets.
Q:
Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
A: From playing marbles.
Q:
Why are elephants large, gray and wrinkled?
A: If they were small, round and white, they’d be aspirins.
Q:
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.
Q:
What time is it when an elephant sit on your sofa?
A: Time to get a new sofa.
Q:
What time is it when an elephant sits on your toilet?
A: Time to run away.
Q:
Where do you find elephants?
A: It depends on where you left them.
Q:
What do you say when an elephant sneezes?
A: “Gesundheit”.
Q:
What goes, “Clomp, clomp, clomp, squish, clomp, clomp, clomp, squish?”
A: An elephant with a wet sneaker.
Q:
Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.
Q:
What would happen if an elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
A: You would miss most of the show.
Q:
What is the biggest type of ant?
A: An eleph-ant.
Q:
What’s as big as an elephant, but doesn’t weigh anything?
A: An elephant’s shadow.
Q:
Why were the elephants kicked out of the swimming pool?
A: They couldn’t keep their trunks up.
Q:
Why wasn’t the elephant allowed on the airplane?
A: Because his trunk wouldn’t fit under the seat.
Q:
Why were the elephants the last animals off the ark?
A: Because they had to pack their trunks.
Q:
Why did the elephant paint her toenails all different colors?
A: So she could hide in a bag of m&m’s.
Q:
What would you get if you crossed two fish with two elephants?
A: A pair of swimming trunks.
Q:
What should you do to a blue elephant?
A: Cheer it up.
Q:
What should you do to a red elephant?
A: Quit telling it dirty jokes.
Q:
What should you do to a yellow elephant?
A: Teach it to be brave.
Q:
What should you do to a white elephant?
A: Hold its nose until it turns blue, then follow the directions for a blue
elephant.
Q:
What should you do to a green elephant?
A1: Wait until it gets ripe.
Q:
How does an elephant get out of a phone booth?
A: Same way she got in.
Q:
Why don’t elephants ride bicycles?
A: They don’t have thumbs to ring the bell.
Q:
What weighs 5,000 pounds and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant!
Q:
What has 6 legs, 3 ears, 4 tusks, and 2 trunks?
A: An elephant with spare parts.
Q:
What’s large and gray and goes around and around in circles?
A: An elephant stuck in a revolving door.
Q:
What do elephants have that no other animals have?
A: Baby elephants.
Q:
Why do elephants stomp on people?
A: They like the squishy feeling between their toes.
Q:
What game do elephants like to play most?
A: Squash!
Q:
What did the cat say to the elephant?
A: “Meow!”
Q:
Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So they can hide upside-down in the custard.
Q:
Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.
Q:
How does an astronomer catch an elephant?
A: With a telescope, a matchbox, and a pair of tweezers. Go to the jungle, and
when you see an elephant, turn the telescope the wrong way around and look
through it. The elephant will now be so small that you can pick it up with the
tweezers and put it in the matchbox.
Q:
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
A: Take out all the matches first.
Q:
How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.
Q:
How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
Q:
How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him “lunch”.
Q:
How do you shoot a blue elephant?A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q:
How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Wait for it to run away.
Q:
What was the elephant doing on the freeway?
A: About 5 miles per hour.
Q:
What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
Q:
What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free parking.
Q:
What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.
Q:
Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
Q:
How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don’t be stupid, elephants can’t change light bulbs!
Q:
How do you know if an elephant’s been sleeping in your bed?
A: Peanut shells under the pillow.
Q:
How do you know if there’s an elephant in your bed right now?
A: He has a big ‘E’ on his pajamas’ jacket pocket.
Q:
How do you know if there’s an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q:
How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
Q:
What if you don’t want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.
Q:
Why isn’t it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.
Q:
What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
Q:
What do elephants do for laughs?
A: They tell people jokes.
Q: How do you make Elephant Jello?
A: Read the directions on the box.
