Saturday, July 15, 2017


So, Saint Peter says: there are no lawyers in heaven!
Most seasoned lawyers recognize this as the punchline of any number of jokes about their profession. They typically change the subject and move on to some other conversation suitable to a cocktail gathering. It is likely the lawyer doesn’t like to be the butt of such humor but they know it is an occupational hazard. 

The skeleton didn’t go to the prom because … He had no body to dance with! The bartender says to the horse: Why the long face? The bartender, upon seeing a priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into the bar says: What is this some kind of joke?   

A joke is only as good as its punchline. It’s torture listening to a yarn that takes way too long to get there. Some people just don’t have the dramatic or wordsmithing skills to make that journey worthwhile. The payoff ends up being more a grown than the desired smile.  This is an age of social media and tweets with no time to savor the journey. It's tougher than ever to hold attention with details of a story. The would-be impromptu comedian might not want to venture the risk of dying once they have taken the stage. You can avoid performance anxiety and still get a chuckle while keeping come classic comedy alive by simply keeping the punchlines in your pocket.

So the economist looks at the canned stew and tells his colleges (of two other professions): First, assume a can opener… 

Wow, for a fat girl, you sure don’t sweat much.

When she sits around the house… She sits around the house.

The blond saw a sign that read - Airport left… so she went home.

Read the directions on the box (How you make Elephant Jello). Time to get a new fence. (What time is it when an Elephant sits on your fence?) You don’t get down from an elephant, you get down from a duck.

He threw the alarm clock out the window because he wanted to see time fly.  A newspaper…is black & white and red all over (Does anybody even know what a newspaper is anymore?) The snail knocks on the door and says: What did you do that for? (Snail is referring to being kicked to the curb two weeks prior.) So the golfer in the lightning storm says: Even God can’t hit a 2-iron.

Your momma is so ugly that when she walks into a bank, they turn off the security cameras

She is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck

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